Courtship

You're trying to meet that special someone. You feign interest in stuff you don't care about. You lie through your teeth. You exaggerate things about yourself. You have conversations that don't require any brain power. Alcohol usually helps the process along. Sound familiar?

Welcome to the world of law firm receptions, where we're looking to get employed and firms are looking for their new summer class of brown-nosing drones.

During receptions, we try to feign interest in their firm of White, Rich, and Old, LLP (not to be confused with the firm of White, Rich, and Male LLP that had their reception yesterday). We ask associates about how their work is. How do you like the firm. What is the pro-bono policy like. We get their cards. We email them to say that it was good meeting you. We ask the recruiting coordinator if they're hiring 1Ls. We stalk and see if the hiring partner is present. We just happen to have a copy of our resumes and wonder if we could leave a copy.

Let me propose a better, less painful solution that eliminates all the pretense:
STEP 1: "So, you hiring 1Ls?"
(if no, proceed to step 6)
STEP 2: "How much do you pay a week?"
STEP 3: "What's the GPA cutoff?"
STEP 4: "I'll sell my soul as long as I get paid."
STEP 5: "Who's butt do I have to kiss to get hired?"
STEP 6: "Now give me some of your engraved freebies. I need another highlighter and flash drive to add to my pile."
STEP 7: "Now give me some free food and alcohol."