Monday, September 25, 2006

Don't come to me for advice

Dear friends and family:

As you may know, I am currently known as a 1L, the first of three years of law school. I love how you guys come and ask me law related questions, but unfortunately, I know just a tiny bit more of law than you guys. I know you think that because I go to law school, I can answer your questions. But, you fail to recognize two things. In law school, I really don't get taught the law; rather, I get taught the whole thinking like a lawyer crap. Second, even if I do know the law doesn't mean that I would actually know how to do it in practice. You wouldn't ask a first-year medical student to give you advice on heart surgery, much less perform the surgery, would you?

Take suing someone, a favorite question I am asked. Suing someone is covered in a class called civil procedure. I actually don't know how to sue someone yet, but I can give you fascinating discussions on 12b6 motions to dismiss and Rule 11 sanctions. If you ever want to know about things such as federal jurisdiction and diversity jurisdiction, I'm your man; if you want to know how to sue someone, I suggest that you go to a lawyer.

In three years, perhaps I will be able to sue for you. That is if I pass the California bar exam. And that is if I don't get tired of this thing called law school. And that is if I don't happen to meet a rich heiress (this is LA after all) who in exchange for me quitting law school and being arm candy for her, will give me access to her trust fund. But otherwise, I will gladly help you. And just for you, I will kindly waive 50% of the $400/hour I will normally bill as a shark.

But until then, please refrain from asking me legal questions. I don't know how to sue someone, nor how to write a will, nor how to contest traffic tickets, nor how to file for divorce, nor how to file a defense against being arrested for solicitation. I am just a first year law student who is actually paying a school to mentally beat me up. In the meantime, please consult a lawyer. You can find some fine ones in yellow pages and on billboards everywhere. If that fails, I'm sure the law firm connected to 1-800-LAWYERS can help you out. Thanks.

Sincerely,
WOTF

3 Comments:

Blogger Lily Graypure said...

WOTF always makes me think WOT the Fuck?

1:31 PM  
Blogger The Fox said...

You're not the only one. I think it too.

FYI-at college, there was a sandwich food truck that was really good. There was a choice called "WTF" which was basically whatever the guy felt like that particular moment. Always an experiment.

6:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I find your dry sense of humor very entertaining.

9:38 PM  

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