Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Helping out a brother

(Here's a reader email I got after I wrote about TheLadyFriend, but neglected to respond to since the whole graded memo and taser thing kind of got in the way.)

Hey Fox,
I'm a 1L at [name of law school] and you seem to be very comfortable around females. I guess I'm sort of a shy guy, so I was wondering if you had any advice on how to have more success in the female department.


I found the email odd, since I don't view my blog as a relationship/dating blog, nor do I intend it as such. I don't really have a formal philosophy on "how to have more game," but the email got me thinking, and so I've formalized The Fox's Five Rules on Gamesmanship. (I know these rules might not apply to all females, but I view these rules as generalized rules that apply to most.)

Rule #0.5 (needed to even play the game): Thou shall not be a dirty slob.
That means some basic things should be a given, and even more so now that you are in law school. That means showering regularly, brushing your teeth, using deodorant, not wearing pizza-stained t-shirts, etc. If you don't master this step, you're out before you've even started.

Rule #1: Thou shall not obsess over any one particular girl:
If a girl turns you down, cut your losses and move on. Don't obsess over her. It's simply unproductive. Be an adult (don't say, "fine! I didn't like you anyway!") Hanging around or constantly calling her will only make your stock drop lower in her book. Not obsessing over her shows your maturity and your desirability. (See Rule #5)

Rule #2: Thou shall not be an open book:
If you put yourself out there all at once, you are doing a bad job. Putting just enough of you out there to keep them curious is the preferred way to go. It has been my experience that girls like to peg guys into boxes and think that they know who a particular guy is. By giving off enough mystery to keep them guessing, you make yourself more desirable.

Rule #3: Thou shall learn to read female signals:
Lots of times, a female friend will see their male friend talking to a girl, and later when he comes back empty-handed, the female will remark that the girl was totally into him, while the guy will be perplexed and ask "how do you know"? It's because all girls have this instinctive way of demonstrating their interest in a guy that other girls recognize but often times guys are oblivious to. (Crossing arms, eyes looking around the room, etc.=cut your losses. Touching her hair, playing with the straw in her drink, etc.=green light) Paying attention to signals and body language is key.

Rule #4: Thou shall not ask questions with one word responses:
Guy: Hi, I'm Steve, what's your name?
Girl: Lauren.
Guy: What do you do?
Girl: I'm a designer.
Guy: So do you come here often?
Girl: Sometimes. (Girl thinks "what is up with all these questions?")
This type of conversation is not very interesting, and will not get you anywhere. The key is to phrase open-ended conversations that elicit responses that let you show your personality and/or elicit her values--i.e. something she is wearing reminds you of this trip you once took, that you took advantage of the weather and went surfing this weekend, etc.

Rule #5: Thou shall be seen around females:
This means that you are automatically more attractive to females if you are seen around other females. Any girl can tell you of the strange feeling that a guy just seems hotter if he is around another girl. Perhaps this is because if he is around another girl, he has already been screened and vetted by a similar someone with two X chromosomes and is therefore not a crazy ax murderer or because of the natural human tendency to want something that we can't get. So, the moral of the story is to find yourself some platonic female friends (and if you don't have any, your sister will do) to improve your worth in the eyes of the opposite sex.

These rules are not exactly very formal or systematic and is simply what is coming to my mind. (Of course, the easiest way is naturally to be outgoing, tall, confident, funny, etc., but that's not most guys.) Hope this helps.

*One more caveat: this is meant to attract females so as to allow them to see the great guy you are. If you're naturally an a--, these rules will probably not get you very far. Nor will these rules work for you if you're just trying to get into a girl's pants (frat parties will work better for that purpose).

*Caveat #2: you do realize that this is dating advice from a law school student, right?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think someone might be putting you on.

6:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sound advice. as a female I'm relieved that certain guys (i.e., you) consider common hygiene and courtesy a basic requisite to procedure in dating. perhaps your can include something substantive in your next installment of dating advice...come spring finals.

7:20 PM  
Blogger Mademoiselle De Rigueur said...


8:52 PM  
Blogger Dizzy said...

You're in law school?

9:32 PM  
Blogger Butterflyfish said...

Actually, not bad advice at all. I especially like the part about getting 'vetted' by other females. I think there is truth there.

The man who became my husband carried pictures of his neices and nephews in his wallet. Anyone who likes kids and puppies does well with many female types.

Caveat (because I realize the audience of law students sometimes lack basic social skillz): breaking out photos of kids in the first 10 seconds of meeting... creepy.

5:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

most honest and telling part of the post = "and if you don't have any, your sister will do"

10:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


12:02 PM  

Pretty good advice!! :)

2:57 AM  

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